In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
