worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
