I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
