i already hear my dad disowning me
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
