is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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