Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
