Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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