you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
