idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
