It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Randomize
