Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
