watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
