before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
