Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
