I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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