All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
