why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize