i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
