Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize