Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
