dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
