I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
