I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize