please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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