Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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