god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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