He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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