i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
