my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Randomize
