forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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