thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
