his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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