So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
