Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just had sex bonerless
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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