Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize