Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
