dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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