Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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