how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
