My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
