I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
