I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
