Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We had to coat check the pizza.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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