A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
