Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
