"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
These tits shall not be calmed
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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