Fine. I'll sleep in my office
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
