I want to make a zoo with you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
