that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
