she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
