I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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