apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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