he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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