dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
40s are totally the cure
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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