I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
