matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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