No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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