im about as happy as oj after his trial
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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