he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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