Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize