Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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