Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
