Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
