Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
