U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When are your genitals available?
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