Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
even my farts smell like vagina
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
