On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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