i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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