Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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