as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
