Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
