Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
