I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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