We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
