Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Do vagina's smell?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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