Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
