wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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