Kiss
Puke
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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