You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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