Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
