I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
