this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
two words: eviction party
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
