Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
