he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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