return my video game
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
