this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I need a burrito and a hug.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize