When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
