Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
