Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
