do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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