but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
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