She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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