when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
