Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
