i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
