you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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