I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
