Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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