She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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