Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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