So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
