We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
