She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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