I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
