I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
