Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
