Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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