Where are you?
In a non slutty way
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
