The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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